See Saw Effect

I'm up, you're down.  You're up, I'm down. 

One

Out here on the porch tonight, literally. Alone though, the same as I've been feeling for a while now. Wishing that attempts to play or have fun could have led somewhere other than nowhere. I truly had an eye opening experience when you told me that you wanted to have fun, and that I wasn't providing it. Now that I've changed though, it's too late. I want to laugh with you and play again, and so far I'm handling rejection after rejection as best I can, but I'm left wondering if things will change. I hope so. As I walked in the house I saw through the trees a full moon.  Being there on the porch, with the moon in the sky, took me back to some of my happiest moments in life, when it seemed like we saw the entire, vast universe through one set of eyes.  When our hearts and heads were connected. When you told me "I Like You."  Well, I know I like you, and as always, that's enough to give me purpose.

Olympic Fun

Tonight was nice. I enjoyed watching the games with you. We were actually interacting, and I enjoyed your perspective on the games (and the uniforms). Not sure why most times I say "I Love You" I'm greeted by silence, but I'll go to bed with a smile from sharing my evening with you. Hope there was at least a bit of a mutual feeling there.

Penny for your thoughts

I wish I knew what was going on.  All I know is what I see.  You show your love in a lot of ways.  It's not that.  I want to see your happiness.  I want to bring you happiness.  I want to be your happiness.  Instead, I see you smile, then I enter the room, and it turns to sadness.  If I make a small mistake, I see a look of disgust or shame.  I'm not sure what I've done, but I know you don't want to be around me.  Like I said, I don't think it's about love, because I do see that from you.  It's about like, it's about you being happy.  I want to know what you are feeling.  I don't care if you hurt my feelings.  I just want to know what it is, because I want nothing more than for you to be happy again, even if that means less of me.  I can tell you are holding back lots of feelings, but I don't know why.  If you are afraid of breaking my heart, my heart is breaking much more because you are sad, than it would over anything you might tell me. I'm not going to bother you trying to make you talk. I just want you to know what's going on in my head, and that I'm here. 

Missing us

Somewhere along the way we lost our porch time.  We lost that connection of being there for each other.  Of having that safe place to say anything to each other.  And so, I'm starting it again.  Here.  Have a seat, put your head on my shoulder, and be you, the girl I love more than anyone in the world.